I myself do not use chat up lines but for some these short one liners are extremely successful in hooking the girl of their desires.  Of course sometimes it all goes completely wrong and the man will end up with, if he’s lucky just a slap, or in some cases a glass of wine over his head.

The following lines are some classics, but boy are they cheesy.  Try them at your own risk, and don’t even think of sending your medical bills or dry cleaning costs to me if it all goes horribly wrong…

“Hi, I’m Mr Right.  Someone told me you were looking for me”

“I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I will certainly make your bed rock”

“Here’s 10p, go and call your mother and tell her you won’t be coming home tonight”

“That’s a great dress, but I think it would look better on my floor”

“Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway”

“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”

“Hey that’s a nice dress.  Can I talk you out of it?”

“I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?”

It is sometimes hard to understand the female of the species, and even harder when you are just starting a relationship with a new woman.  Over the years I have been picked up, dropped, kicked, slapped, punched, pushed, pulled, shouted at and even had fruit thrown at me!  But I have learnt many important lessons through these experiences.  Follow the tips below to give you a healthy start to your relationship and a better understanding of women.

Women adore attention so it is important to be very interested in them.  The type of man women find most appealing is one that is intrigued by their uniqueness and fascinated by their mystery.  A man who listens, then asks questions and listens some more is exactly what they want.  Buying a present and saying “I thought you might like this” shows that you have studied the woman closely, taken an interest and hopefully understood her likes.

Turn off’s and turn on’s.  Most women have their personal turn off’s and turn on’s but the following apply to pretty much every woman I have met.  Sticking your tongue down her throat s soon as you first kiss – Turn off!  Gently kissing and nibbling her lips – Turn on!  At the restaurant, offering to split the bill – Turn off!  At the restaurant, offering to treat the lady,  she responds by returning the favour next meal – Turn on!  Generosity is a well known aphrodisiac, just don’t overdo it, or you will come across as an arrogant pretentious fool!

Be decisive.  Don’t be an apologetic, half hearted wimp.  If you are going to chat women up then be absolutely sure of yourself, and know what you want.  As the relationship develops they will want to be kept in the picture.  Don’t say “I’ll see you next week”, instead “I’ll see you next Tuesday”.

Remember your manners.  Whatever anyone else tells you women still like polite men.  Open doors for them, walk on the outside of the pavement, offer your coat to them when they are cold.  It will make them feel like Elizabeth from Pride & Prejudice, and make you look like Mr Darcy!

Compliment and appreciate women.  Uttering the phrases “you look amazing!” or “you are so sexy!” are never going to fail.  “I love you” is also good but don’t get too deep too quickly, it will only make you look desperate.  Don’t become complacent or too corny with romantic gestures.  A beautiful hand picked bouquet of flowers will win hands down over the heart shaped box of cheap chocolates from your local supermarket, obviously assuming the woman in question doesn’t have hay fever!

Personal hygiene goes without saying.  Women don’t want you turn into a reflection of themselves, but take care in your personal appearance.  Shower daily, or after the gym.  Clip those toe and finger nails.  If you have a body odour problem use deodourant, if it continues seek medical advice.  Clean your teeth, and check them after eating.  Women do not want to snog last nights kebab.

And finally if your relationship does flourish and you feel the need to pop the question, be unique, memorable and above all romantic!